Don’t Wait

Rather than focusing on my own story, I would like to share some advice with girls and women who are trying to get pregnant. Why? Because no one gave me this kind of advice. I was left to figure everything out on my own, struggling through it step by step and gradually losing my energy, optimism, joy in life and self-esteem. What’s more, I began to lose perspective, because at some point my desire to have a child became an obsession…

At first, none of us worries too much when it doesn’t happen. We listen to people telling us to change our lifestyle, reduce stress, eat well and avoid overworking ourselves. And that is very sensible advice. But it isn’t always enough.

Girls, if you have been trying to conceive for some time without success, get some basic tests done – hormone levels, ovulation tests, a semen analysis for your partner, and so on. It doesn’t hurt and doesn’t cost much. Your doctor will guide you. But don’t wait too long. I lost my first year that way because “there’s still plenty of time and there’s nothing to worry about.” If all the results are normal and you still aren’t getting pregnant, ask about the next step – further diagnostic procedures that can help identify issues such as blocked fallopian tubes or endometriosis, as was the case for me.

And here is another piece of advice. Don’t keep going from one doctor to another. Find a good fertility clinic where you can have everything taken care of in one place. A gynecologist who has an excellent reputation in your town may not necessarily specialize in infertility treatment. They may prescribe medication and wait to see what happens, even with the best intentions. That is how I lost several more years and a lot of money. I saw highly regarded specialists and paid enormous amounts for treatment. And the result? Nothing.

Eventually, I found the late Professor Karasek, a wonderful and kind older endocrinologist. I had found information about him online, and that was the turning point. He ordered the hormonal tests I needed – performed at the hospital, so they cost me nothing – and almost immediately referred me to the young but wonderful Professor Sieroszewski. He performed a laparoscopy and told me to go to Białystok as soon as possible. By then, I already knew that I would not be able to conceive naturally.

Why somewhere so far from where I lived? According to the professor, whom I trusted completely by then and who later provided excellent care throughout my pregnancy, Białystok had OUTSTANDING specialists and relatively LOW prices compared with other cities.

In Białystok, after reviewing my results and carrying out the additional tests that were needed, I learned that IVF was my only option. By then, I was so desperate that I probably would have agreed to anything.

It worked on the first attempt.

I couldn’t believe it. I knew IVF wasn’t guaranteed to work, and by that point I had come to believe that it might work for everyone else – just not for me. And yet… it did.

Girls, among my friends who also struggled to have a baby, only two did not ultimately become mothers. One gave up at some point, while the other separated from her husband, who could no longer cope with the situation. Keep fighting for your dream. Trust the doctors at fertility clinics. If they tell you fairly early on that IVF may be necessary, don’t automatically assume that they are only interested in your money. Sometimes they simply want to spare you unnecessary disappointment and precious time.

Don’t be afraid of IVF – I was very afraid of it myself. The discomfort associated with the process was nothing compared with everything I had already been through. Trust them. They genuinely want to help. I have no personal interest in encouraging anyone to undergo IVF or to choose Klinika Bocian. I simply went through all of this myself, and I know what it means.

IVF involves significant costs. But what you may receive in return is something that cannot be measured in money.

Don’t listen to people who tell you that you just need to stop thinking about having a baby, relax, and then it will happen. You cannot simply forget about it or switch those thoughts off. Don’t think that you are somehow less worthy. Don’t blame yourself for feeling jealous of friends who became pregnant, even if you had been rooting for them before. Jealousy is a normal human emotion in such circumstances.

Don’t isolate yourself from other people or hide what you are feeling. I did that, and it almost drove me into depression. There are so many women going through exactly what you are going through. Don’t think that you are the only one who feels frightened and helpless. We have all felt that way…

Girls, I truly lost hope. I was convinced that I would have to live my life without a child…

And today I have a wonderfully crazy, confident 8-year-old daughter. Today, a little ray of sunshine brightens every day of my life, and she is here thanks to the miracle workers – because I honestly don’t know what else to call them. If it weren’t for the doctors at Klinika Bocian, my daughter wouldn’t be here with me.

Don’t listen to the nonsense that children conceived through IVF are somehow different. Well, actually… they are. They are smart, bright, ambitious and beautiful. And healthy. That is my daughter – strong-willed and outgoing, yet sensitive and empathetic.

Medicine helped me. People helped me – people whose presence in this world I will always be grateful for.